I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
