I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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