Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Randomize
