We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
