oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
