when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
