we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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