evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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