Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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