I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
