I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
