Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
