we have officially lost it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
