think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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