I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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