Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
