I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
