the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
