4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
