:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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