I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
