If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up backwards on a recliner
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
