It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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