Whats the glycemic index on semen?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
