He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
