i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
