So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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