Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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