I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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