i don't like sucking hair
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
