sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
