Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Actions speak louder than pants.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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