Banned from zoo.
Again?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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