ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
