1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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