it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
