Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
