Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
