OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
