Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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