This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
