i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
