The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
