at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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