My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Damn victory sex feels great
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
