Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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