Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
