Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
