No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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