Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
