According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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