I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
