she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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