i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
