I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
