Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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